What do people expect of you when you come upon a birthday? Should you act more mature, more career-minded, looking to the future that you're not guaranteed of having, seeing the family you probably don't deserve to start and getting the job you're not really any good at, or should you live more carefree, knowing that your time on this planet is slipping away with each passing second you spend contemplating that very thought?

There was a time, not so long ago, where I only lived for the future, only thought about what I'd love my life to be like, staying content with my present predicaments in the self-centred, and often foolish, lifestyle I had grown accustomed to and felt secure within its confined walls, but now I see that I'm too young to plan ahead too far, but too old to just kick back and enjoy each day as it comes, living out a more mature childhood. It's almost as if we're in limbo when we get to this age; we feel we're capable of being adults, responsible ones, yet we also feel compelled to just live one more year of free-spirited fun, getting hammered daily and shagging god-knows-who at some random dudes house.

At what age do we finally become enabled to take our future by the horns and wrestle it into whatever position we want it to be in? I've tried, and failed, many times in the past to create myself a lifestyle I could live with for a very long time, often leading to people proclaiming I spend too much time in my head, or that I'm wasting away my teenage years by expecting to be someone I'm not ready to be. Yeah, life experience I may lack, but the desire and dedication to trying to make something of my life, make something of the talents I know I have within me that I cannot see and show people just how successful I can be with hard-work and support from those around me.

I want to be able to write the words that flow in and out of my concious sporadically, just another self-indulgent cynics warped view on humanity, society and his life, of which no-one really wants to hear, or even enjoys, despite their best attempts at wearing a mask, feigning interest within my words, my sentences and my existence just to fulfill the gap between their using, and their lying, and their deceit of others. Their confidence, or lack thereof, to just come clean with how they're feeling is pathetic.

Why must you continue to spout your bullshit of friendship and closeness when you clearly, despite all your eloquency, not know what those to words mean out here in the real world, and not the fictitious self-adoring nature of your brain in which you spend most of your time concocting syllable after syllable, closing yourself away from everyone else to drown in your own self-loathing-yet-egotistical world, biting the heads off of the people that actually fucking care about you and your welfare, demanding they leave you alone, or that they do not know the struggles.

I have news for you. I may be younger, and have less experience in this world, but I know that you get nowhere on your own.